In case you weren’t aware, I have a somewhat odd history with fast food establishments. I had almost forgotten about the aforementioned experiences until last night, when I had the long-awaited third installment of “Yes, I’d like fries with that.” It happened in a small city on the outskirts of Griffin, GA, at a Burger King. Without further adieu, here you go:

Employee (through the drive-thru speaker): “Burger King.”
Me (pausing for just a second): “Hi – I’d like a chicken sandwich value meal, large size with a Sprite to drink.”
Her: “5.75 drive around.”

I drove to the window. Thus far, nothing during this altercation signified to me that I was about to have my mind blown by the sheer “what the heck is going on” aspect of what was about to happen. I waited about 2 minutes before she finally came to the window.

Her: “We ain’t got no buns for da chicken sannwich. You want a whopper bun?”
Me: “Um, uh, (quick decision time) sure.”

She hands me a medium Sprite.

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry – I wanted it large sized.”
Her: “You didn’t say nothing.”
Me: “Um, well, could you make it large size?”

She then gave me this stare that looked like she wanted to yell at me, but she couldn’t – like when you stump your toe and you’re in a place where you can’t yell. So, she hands me the large Sprite, and the situation progresses.

After about 5 minutes (seriously), she comes back to the window, where I’ve put the car in park.

Her: “We ain’t got no chicken sandwiches. You want something else?”
Me: (sigh) “Um, no, I’ll just go somewhere else.”
Her: “OK den – you can keep da drank.”
Me: “Thanks.”

I never gave her any form of payment, by the way.

So I left, frustrated, eagerly searching for another reputable fast-food chain. I thought, “well, at least I can quench my thirst with this behemoth of a fountain drink.” That’s when I noticed that while the drink was free, she neglected to provide me with a straw. So here I am trying to pop the top on this gargantuan while navigating the back roads of central Georgia. I finally get the top off of the cup, and take a much-needed swig. That’s when I realized the reason she let me keep it. It was nothing but seltzer water.

Luckily, I found a Wendy’s about 20 miles down the road, and it was worth the wait. I hope that Burger King eventually gets some chicken sandwiches again. That, my friends, is a travesty.