OK – so there are a lot of things in this life that I don’t quite understand. Things like where all my socks go, why babies have to cry when they have the best possible life, and an effective way to get rid of static cling.

Today, however, I’d like to ask you to help me understand something. Why, if you’re getting married, do you send out a “Save the Date” and an invitation? Seriously, it makes no sense. My wife tried to explain it to me, but it only ended up seeming more ludicrous. Doesn’t everyone that gets a “Save the Date” also get an invitation? Or do you later regret sending it to someone, and thus deny them an invitation? Isn’t there an implicit invitation in the initial announcement?

For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, a “Save the Date” is a little piece of paper you get in the mail, some have a ribbon attached, some have a piece of candy, perhaps a piece of wedding cake, etc. Side note – they’re usually pink. These notes tell you that so-and-so is getting married and you’d better mark it on your calendar! Cancel the doctor’s appointment! Block off this date so that nothing could possibly interfere – but wait a second… you’re not quite “invited” yet.

I’d imagine that after these things are sent, the bride and groom sit back and analyze the spectrum of potential invitees. Maybe they find out later that they can only invite 4 people (witnesses, as required by state law in Nevada), so they only send out 4 invitations. If you are lucky enough to get an invitation, boy oh boy, are you in store for a treat.

These lavish attendance requests usually come with some sort of embossed seal on the outside, and you feel like you’ve just gotten your college acceptance packet due to the thickness of the envelope and all the stuff inside. There you’ll find more envelopes, possibly another seal, all kinds of crazy ribbons and such, and a letter you must mail back. Oh, and it usually smells like some sort of perfume mixed with the musk of the mail carrier.

So what happens if you send back this letter (or RSVP), marking that you’ll attend this incredible ceremony (after all, it would have to be incredible, given the amount of mail you’ve had to get announcing it), and you don’t actually go to the wedding?? I don’t think anyone’s ever been brave enough to try such a daunting maneuver, but I just may try it one day. I’ll report my results following.

I have a couple of ideas regarding what to do with these things. Perhaps you could take the stamp off of the envelope-in-an-envelope and put it on the “Save the Date,” and mail it to someone you don’t know. Maybe you could make a paper airplane. Perhaps get into origami. Use it to clean your teeth (gross, I know, but we are in the South). Or use it for the obligatory “I-just-need-to-find-something-to-write-on” moment. Either way, make use of these things. Someone went to a lot of trouble to make sure you got it.

-j